– The term “Narcissist” Is fantastically overused. Its current usage refers to the unseemly behavior of pretty much everybody leading up to, and during a divorce. But it’s a real disorder with clear symptoms. So I thought I would clarify a few things for the benefit of people who are actually living with, and suffering because of a bonafide Narcissist. – The people who care the most about “what will people think“ are often Narcissists. They are extremely self-conscious. And, extremely insecure. Even though they present a likable, charismatic, and even (over)confident façade. – Narcissism however, is a form of the worst emotional body odor. It permeates the room with an unbearably, talkative superiority. And Narcissists, if they were made aware of it, would be humiliated. The problem is, they are above reproach. And the very implication that they might be narcissists, sounds like a “you problem”. “You’re jealous”. And “That’s psychobabble”. – There are four kinds of Narcissist. and three of them aren’t bad people at all. Which one is your spouse? Hahahaha! – There’s the aware, recovering Narcissist. They’ve acknowledged that they are some species of Narcissist. They are struggling to ferret out the behaviors that don’t serve them. They can capitalize on their strengths, and avail themselves to mental dental floss for the emotional bad breath. (Therapy) – And then there’s the Benign Narcissist who remains unaware, and possesses a self-absorbed, oftentimes critical, picky, “more special than everyone else“ superiority. Sometimes “the most generous selfish person” anyone knows. They may run a constant narrative about how terrible other drivers are. Know anyone like that?. They’re Grown-ups who can throw tantrums when they are disappointed. For example, forgetting one of their best fishing poles (but still at least having a fishing pole) can ruin the entire fishing trip. – The Grandiose Narcissist, is all of the above, PLUS they know someone better than the person you’re talking about. They know of a place better than the place you’re talking about. And they know of a thing better, than the thing you’re talking about. And, they are (incidentally), an expert on whatever business, religion, item or science you’re talking about. It’s the “I am pretty much ‘more advanced’ than everyone“ on a more grand scale. And all of their projects are grandiose, they are “like no one‘s ever seen.“ – The *Malignant* Narcissist, (psychologists currently theorize) is what happens when a Narcissist is also forged as a Sociopath. They possess all of the above traits, only angrier. They come off stunningly likable, charismatic and yet they regard humans and humanity as tools, representatives, or steppingstones. They are the hardest on their families. They usually treat their spouses like underappreciated employees who need constant correction, and micromanagement. They get what they want, at any expense whether financial or emotional. They will destroy the family budget buying a boat. “There’s no money for vacation this year. Sorry about groceries. Figure it out”. (But it’s OK because they are special). They are amazing on many, if not all levels. And yet, inside, they are fabulously insecure, possess a paradoxical low self-esteem, even self-loathing…and all of life’s uncomfortable or ‘squishy’ emotions are armored in anger, and demeaning comments. – Narcissism is Emotional body odor. It’s an intellectual “bad breath” as well, and if these self-conscious Narcissists knew how needlessly offensive they were being, they would be extremely embarrassed. – A word of caution: Because they are a Narcissist-hybrid with a full-on Sociopath, Malignant Narcissists can be dangerous, directly, but also behind your back. Fred Tokars was a Malignant Narcissist and as such, fashioned himself capable of orchestrating “the Perfect Crime”, killing his wife. He was deluded by his own, Narcissistic Grandeur. If you are with a Malignant Narcissist, it might be worth it for you to read up on this. – The Benign and Grandiose Narcissist can change. The Malignant Narcissist is, at their most fundamental level, a Sociopath, and as such, are unredeemable. They will invariably take advantage of others. They will always demean others, be hypercritical, and ruin every enjoyable experience that they didn’t think of, or don’t control.






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